My Ten Steamy Days With A Swedish Sex Kitten, Part III
Were it not for one crucial principle for success with women that I exercised with Pernilla back in London, none of the wonderful experiences that followed would ever have happened.
She never would have come out to LA, I never would have discovered how deeply wonderful she truly is; what an amazing and delightful surprise she continues to be in my life.
Now, many of you have gone Mr. Nilsson bananas over my teaching of phonetic ambiguity, linguistic patterns of speaking, etc. etc. etc.
And while all of those things are, in the proper context, important components of what I teach, the far more important aspects are about the attitudes and vibes that make men attractive to women.
There are actually four vibes/attitudes that make men attractive to women, but for purposes of this blog post, I’m only going to discuss one-the crucial one-in this case. And that’s being dominant and a strong leader.
Let me define my terms: I did not say “domineering”. “Domineering” goes beyond setting a strong lead and into the realm of having a rude disregard for the needs, feelings and concerns of others. As well, “domineering” calls to mind and incorporates elements of being punitive, and using negative emotions like shame, guilt and fear.
So to make it clear: I detest humans of any gender who walk through the world like this. I have a bit of compassion for them too, because most people who behave this way really don’t know any better; it was what was modeled for them as children, so this is the emotional filter through which they see their world.
But someone who is dominant-a leader- sets the direction and the path, and at the same time knows how to listen and discern the concerns, needs and feelings of those under his lead and his protection. He weighs them both and from their decides how to proceed.
I have said this over and over and over to my students: anyone under your influence is also under your protection, and you have a duty to protect that is commeasurate with your influence.
In Pernilla’s case, the crucial moment actually came during my London seminar, where, as you will recall, she had attended along with some German guy who invited her.
At one point, I called for female volunteer to come up on stage for me to work with and demonstrate some of the language tools I teach. I pointed to Pernilla and asked her to come up.
She turned beet red, and strongly but politely said “no”.
At that point, one of my more vocal students, an Irish guy who had some “boundary” issues, turned around and started cajoling her. “C’mon..come up! Come on!”
Some of the other students joined in, and at that point, I put my foot down.
I told them all to knock it off immediately. “It’s her choice” I said. “I don’t brow-beat anyone to come up her and I’ll be damned if I allow any of you to brow beat one of my guests. I’m not of a mind to give a gift to someone who isn’t of a mind to eagerly accept, so her answer is “no”and that’s it”.
And I meant every word of it; as my guest, Pernilla was under my protection. While it would have served my outcome as a teacher to have her on stage(and I believe she would have had a great experience), as the person who was in the lead, I had an obligation to protect her and to respect her wish not to be on stage.
And I also really meant the part about offering a gift; I did truly believe that the opportunity to learn about her feelings, her imagination, and what she could (and later would) experience with me was an amazing gift. You don’t have to sell a gift; you simply offer it. If you have to sell it, it ceases to be a gift and becomes, at best, a bonus.
Later, when she was out here in LA, we discussed that moment, as I properly intuited that this had been a big turning point in her trusting me. She said that, at that moment, she felt and saw that I was willing to stand up for her against the entire class, even if it meant I couldn’t give the demonstration that I had wanted to, and at that moment, she knew I’d continue to protect her and that she could trust me.
I didn’t shame her, or try to persuade her in any fashion, or even ask more than once. I made the offer and let her truly have her choice. But I did it in a way that demonstrated that however she chose to open and learn with and from me, I’d continue to protect her and keep her safe, even if it momentarily meant I wasn’t going to get what I had planned or wanted.
Thank God for that choice. Because Pernilla has turned out to be a wonderful, joyous, live-affirming surprise who continues to surprise me. And since I know for a fact she’s reading this blog, let me just say, “M., I love you. And I’m very happy you’ve come into my life.”
Peace and piece,
RJ
93/93
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The girl in the video is NOT Pernilla, but I thought I’d treat you to a view of a lovely Swedish girl!
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